If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
