Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
