You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
