why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
smell my finger.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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