So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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