Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
