i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
