I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
