Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
