life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
