I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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