Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
