Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
