My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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