I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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