happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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