I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this just has baby written all over it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
