It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
