You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
