toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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