either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
