and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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