just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize