Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
