Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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