Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this will be a night to untag.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
