I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
