I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When did we convert life to cartoon?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
