he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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