Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
