I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
