I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize