Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
