how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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