Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
