so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
