I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
