At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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