Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize