Plan B is the new Plan A
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
