That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
