Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
