Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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