I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
