I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
