my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
