enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
