He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
