why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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