1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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