so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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