Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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