my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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