i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize