wat bout pragnant strippers??
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
