I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
