I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
