woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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