i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
