Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
