We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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