I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
