My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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