4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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