When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
