And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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