I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
