you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
