Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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