dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
