Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
