the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
