dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
