Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
