I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
