im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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