I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
